Everything about you is bad because you’re not exactly like me.
There is something about myself that I’ve been hiding for a very long time. Something that others might find shocking or offensive and in hiding that I’ve allowed myself to be the very sort of narrow-minded person I hate.
So I have to be completely open and honest with myself and you. I am a beef burrito. I have always been one. I was born a beef burrito. Deep down I know that’s what I am and my physical appearance is nothing but a hindrance to that. I plan on raising the money for the necessary surgeries to transform this useless human body into that of a beautiful beef burrito and then everything in my life will be better.
Don’t tell me that I’m not a beef burrito or that my insistence that I am such is a lie or the sign of madness because that is prejudice, bigotry, and some other term that I’ll get CNN to make up for me so I can rub it in your face at every given opportunity. Also, check your privilege. You don’t know how difficult it is to be a beef burrito, so you don’t understand.
It feels so wonderful to get this off of my chest. Finally I can be my true self. Which is a beef burrito. I’m so glad I live in an open-minded society.
Fact: Pansexuals bleed pure liquid gold.
Fact:Pansexuals are smug bastards who can’t bear having the boring title of bisexual.
They’re moving to 7 p.m. As they sing, it’s not their fault.
Oh no, not the 7:00 death slot! SO MANY EPISODES WILL BE MISSED BY OVER RUNNING BASEBALL AND NASCAR! NOOOOOOOOOO
Ah, the 7pm time slot. Also known as the FOX Network Death Sentence for animated sitcoms. I’m not sure why FOX is so terrified of success. They seem obsessed with killing every successful program they have. Hell, they even juggled the Simpsons’ timeslot for a while in the early 90’s yet somehow it managed to live despite their meddling. Too bad Family Guy also managed to return from the dead. What I’d give for Seth MacFarlane to be utterly forgotten as the talentless hack that he is.
I hate most creepy-pastas. If urban legends and ghost stories are as indicative of a culture’s psychology as I’ve always believed them to be, then the popularity and unmitigated horror held for things like SONIC.EXE and Jeff the Killer must be proof that the current generation of humanity is completely frigging retarded. “Haunted video games” were the kind of stupid schoolyard ghost stories kids told in the 1980’s and even then we were doing it mostly for a laugh. Nobody believed an evil version of Super Mario would pop out of the screen and kill us because it was, again, completely frigging retarded.
With that in mind, I saw a porno version of SONIC.EXE today.
Suddenly I understand why you people want so badly to believe in it. Because whoever felt the need to draw demon-Sonic with luscious boobs deserves to be eviscerated by the evil hellbeast in question.
Sorry So Sorry
We’re in trouble guys….
USA’s in deep deep deep deep… shit.
Good luck with that.
An overhyped Disney film gained an Oscar. I’m baffled. Surely you can sense the shock and awe even in the words I’m typing.
TO EVERYONE WHO SAYS DISNEY SEQUELS ARE SHIT, GO WATCH CINDERELLA 2
OKAY LET ME EXPLAIN YA’LL FUCKERS A THING. THIS MOVIE IS GREAT. CINDERELLA HELPS OUT ANASTASIA, WHO WAS A COMPLETE BITCH TO HER FOR MOST OF HER LIFE (AND SHE KNOWS IT), WHEN SHE COULD HAVE EASILY BEEN LIKE AHAHA FUCK YOU N00B AND WALTZED OFF WITH HER BAM SLAMMIN’ BOOTY JAMMIN’ PRINCE.
SHE HELPS ANASTASIA DEFY HER BITCHY CRABAPPLE OF A MOTHER AND GET TOGETHER WITH THIS UNBEARABLY SWEET BAKER DUDE BECAUSE SHE IS SUPER NICE AND FORGIVING. ANASTASIA SHOWS HUGE CHARACTER GROWTH, WHILE STILL RETAINING HER PERSONALITY. IN THE END CINDERELLA DANCES BY WITH THE PRINCE AND THEY SMILE AT EACH OTHER BECAUSE SHE AIN’T EVEN JELLY BECAUSE SHE GOT THE ADORABLE BREAD GUY AND TRUE FUCKIN’ LOVE WHICH IS REALLY ALL SHE EVER WANTED.
Why have i never even heard of this
I think it’s worth mentioning that this is the ONLY good part of the movie
Agreed. Heather and I caught this film on TV the other day and groaned at the idiocy of it all, but once this story played (keep in mind the film is an anthology of short stories) we were enthralled. We both agreed the short deserved to be a movie in of itself because of how endearing it was.
I was actually going to write a parody of “Let it Go” about how people just need to frigging let it go, but I refused to sit through a single second of that movie, so I’m happy that Doug Walker has done it for me.
So for anybody who (rightfully) thought that the circumstances behind the Frozen Oscar was an insult, take a gander at this.
And in case you miss this point, only one fucking person voted in this category. That person voted for Get A Horse. And they couldn’t even give it the win. But that’s not even the point here anymore.
Also, apparently the Academy Awards runs off of a distorted concept of the Buddy System.
life is too short
Also, enjoy the educational infographic. :>
The Oscars are chosen by a bunch of self-centered douchebags awarding totally meaningless chunks of plastic and metal to other self-centered douchebags. Why should I care?